What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What! how could you do that?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

How can I get the lead guitar removed from a song so I can play the lead Guitar parts myself and have the rest of the band's music playing? Is there ought to be a website or company who can do this?

True - how I loved my mum!

What do you mean son?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

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Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Why would my nipples hurt when I touch them?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Do you know what she said mum?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

My stepmother has banned me from the family. Can she legally keep me from going to my father's funeral?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

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My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”